As we know the whole “Momma’s Boy” and Daddy’s Little Girl” titles are real. Boys tend to love on their mom more and be their protectors, which is usually when their daddy is absent. However, that love can become a bit more challenging and grow into jealousy when another man enters the picture causing the boys to compete with the new man for mom’s affection and attention. Of course, that means a lot of tension in the home.
None of this is good for the family unless they learn to work through these issues before they get too far out of hand, but that’s not the purpose of this post. The purpose of this post is that when the daddy is gone, the mother spends her time trying to coddle the boy b/c she’s now by herself possibly feeling guilty, so she overcompensates in other areas for the broken home.
Not only that, but the world outside of the home is also against these young men from jump street, so her mothering can quickly turn into smothering causing the boy to be a bit more in-tune with his emotions as he continues to grow up, but then… something happens. All of a sudden, he’s told he shouldn’t cry and to man up when he’s around other men or other influences outside of the home.
Mom is still the nurturing, caring, feminine energy, not that it’s her fault, but she can’t turn her son into a man. She’s a woman, not a man. So, she’s doing her job. However, the boy is going to grow into a man and that man will have emotions that he needs to be able to control, explain, and express. He’s continually told to “man up” or “men don’t cry” while out of her sight, so he begins to follow that logic b/c he wants to be tough and macho. Empress the girl or show off for his friends.
My question is how do we break this cycle of not allowing men to express their emotions, talk about their feelings, or be vulnerable with people they love? This man is going to have a family of his own, want to love someone, and be sad or angry at some point in life. He’s got to be able to talk about how he feels, right?
His inability to express his own feelings and emotions can lead to his ability to express himself in damaging ways that can harm himself or others. This is how we get domestic violence. This is how we get murder. This is how we get suicide. This is how we get drug addicts. This is how we get alcoholics.
As I always say, parents are our first teachers. They set the standard and most childhood traumas stay with people throughout their lives b/c they won’t face it or acknowledge it. Not being able to properly and thoroughly expressing himself as a man has lead to higher rates of depression and suicide.
We’ve got to allow little boys to be able to express themselves when they are sad, frustrated, angry, or whatever and stop telling them to “man up” b/c it’s ultimately killing them and stifling their emotional intelligence and growth. Then, becoming a cycle within families and generations. We’ve got to do better. ❤